January has been such an interesting life changing month. It is the first month of my 40th year. Yes, I had my 40th birthday this first month, of 2018. I didn’t do much to celebrate, simple spa day at my favorite spa in Virginia. My family joined me a few days prior to celebrate and it’s always a great time. Yea, so I’m like 40 years young. I say young because that’s what my Granny says when she speaks of age. Well, as I reflect on this month, I think about how I’ve related to others and how others perceive me. The month started with an amazing experience in the U.S. Virgin Island relating to strangers and meeting some amazing Light. I celebrated the New Year with strangers in a strange place and it was so amazing.
Then the month ended with the closing of relating to someone I thought was a close friend of 3 years, who turned out to not be a friend at all. Well, at least it did not appear that this person considered me a friend. Misunderstood words and (I admit) my stubbornness; this energy, moved like a tornado and as easy as passing weather, this friendship ended with a message of ‘leave me the hell alone’. I never in my life experienced such a whirlwind of emotions. But reflecting to the beginning, I have never flowed through emotions as I did in this experience of relating to another. In this moment, I was simply numb; it was like it hit me straight in my heart, passed through my human body directly to my soul. My soul ached… and my soul cried for days. I thought of wishing I had never met this person or the people who were connected within the spiraling degrees of union. But such is how it all played out and supposedly all meetings are divine. A divine play and the curtains were quickly closing. I was also told that “I think I’m so intelligent that I can speak to people any way I want and that I’m driven by emotions.” Not sure why my intelligence was even targeted. (I am spiritually intelligent and I know some taught ish, but that in between social cue crap… that’s another blog post LOL)
Driven by emotions, what does that exactly mean? These critiques actually hurt because I think that I’m a very nice person, but what are you to do if you’re misunderstood. I’ve often thought if there could be background music to our life experiences/moments, like a score in a movie, Nina Simone would sing ‘don’t let me be misunderstood’. But, is this really how some perceive me? That would be unfortunate because judgement was made (even though at initial meeting I was asked to not judge) before Seeing Me, Knowing Me. My career isn’t me. My accomplishments aren’t me. They are simply ingredients combined to cook up the fabulous human that I’m still striving to Be. As Nina sings, “I’m just a soul, whose intentions are good, oh lord please don’t let me be misunderstood.” Anyway this reflection isn’t to whine about a lost pseudo-friendship; they come and go, even if in this instance it struck so deeply, that I lost my cry. I was left with a strong ache in my heart chakra and falling pain in my soul. This reflection is to attempt to discover the lesson in it all, find the Light.
Hmmmm, driven by emotion; initially defensive, not at all am I driven by emotion. I have never even had a physical fight or true verbal argument. Nothing is that serious. I do speak my mind openly and raw, with no filter. But, I was thinking about it as a bad quality to have; to feel emotions and feel them deeply. Even to get lost in emotion. I meditated on it (something that I lost relating in this scene), there’s got to be a lesson somewhere in this life shifting, three year encounter. The judgement of another that ended, what I thought was a blossoming friendly, relating between like souls. Then within a moment, I got an amazing flash of insight from my inner self or maybe the ancestors and said out loud in my apartment “Hell yeah, I am driven by emotions!!” My emotions are the matches that spark the fire in me to do what I do when I hit a wall along this journey. Some of the walls have been full size cement blocks. It is the oil in my engine to keep my soul running. It is that storm in my spirit that pushes me to push on when I want to give up. This thing called emotions is what started the slave revolts, the civil rights movement and made my people enraged enough to shout ‘black lives matter’. It’s those deep emotions that have paved the way for me to be unapologetically Me, all full of emotions. Without that ignite of emotion that feeds my passion, I would just chill in the World of complacency. See, I’d rather be driven by emotion rather than by desire. When driven by desire one can be bought and sold, like a slave. That desire for fame, money, recognition and the vices of our society. I can’t be bought. I can’t be shifted. I can’t be swayed. I’m not driven by my wants and desires but by the true deep feeling of my emotions that fuel my passion to Be.
I can see why that comment struck me so deeply, we’re told to be strong and to let no one see you cry. I cry. I cry often. Every article discusses emotional intelligence. But what does that really mean? Is it managing your emotions or numbing your emotions? (Maybe in another post I’ll get into that.) I believe that we need to learn how to utilize our emotions with intention and purpose, to fuel us like ammunition to thrive to fulfill our destiny. We need to get so enraged, so full that we’re going to burst. If you’re innately a person of light and of love, all of that emotion will make you magic, a magician, and you will manifest; fulfill your destiny. Think of it like this, we all have the ability to be rare diamonds but you go through the pressures, the emotions, which make you push through life to shine.
My emotions have birthed #AnasaLaa Blog, Anasa Laa Pixpressions©, #AnasaLaaGives, and all that is to come and I’m excited to flow with her! In this January reflection, I say Thank You to who was thought to be a friend, who once told me to use my words during a road trip, for sparking these amazing emotions that led to the birth of #AnasaLaaReflections. In this scene of life’s play, I’m reminded that Love Is In Each Moment! Simply reflect and continue to flow.
If you haven’t already done so, let 2018 be the year that you start your journal. I’ve kept a journal since my teenage years and it’s quite amazing to read the thoughts of your past.
- Reflect on your perceptions about emotions.
- What have you been told as a child when you cried?
- Write it down.
- Sit with it in silence.
You are the only one who can truly tell your story from your Being!
Peace. Love. Light.
Leave a comment and let me know your January reflection!